Truth Unknown
by Ezika
Summary: Its been a looooong time since i wrote this fic, but i finally finished the 8th and final chapter! Yay me! Thanks to Kendra for the title and story idea. Please read and review.
1. Part 1

Truth Unknown (part 1)  
  
Monica sat in the car outside the elementary school, waiting for her kids. The radio was on, playing an old song that she had always loved. She tapped her hands on the steering wheel in time to the music. She saw another mother that she knew, and waved.   
  
"Hey Monica," the other woman said, walking over with her youngest child.  
  
"Hi Jeanie. Hey cutie," she said tickling Jeanie's two year old daughter.  
  
"Hi Mom," eight year old Beth said, running up to the car. "Hi Mrs Slater."  
  
"Hi Beth, is Megan coming out?" Jeanie asked as Beth got in the back of the car.  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"hey Mom," elevem year old Shay said, walking up to the car, trying to look cool.  
  
"Hurry up Shay," Beth said.  
  
"Okay okay, calm down," Shay said, also getting into the car.  
  
"Bye Jeanie. Shay, put your seatbelt on," Monica said.  
  
"Why? Because the ride home is gonna be a rollarcoaster ride through New York?" Shay said sarcastically, but she did as she was told anyway.  
  
"Bye Monica. Bye you two," Jeanie called as Monica pulled away. Beth waved. she was friend's with Jeanie's elder daughter, Megan.  
  
When the three of them arrived home, Chandler was already there, in the kitchen. They had only moved into the house about a year ago, but the kitchen was the room they had spent the most effort on to get it looking nice.  
  
"Hey honey, how come you're home so early?" Monica asked, kissing him.  
  
"Gross," Beth said, pouring herself an orange juice.  
  
"Well, I have to work late tomorrow night, so Doug gave me the afternoon off," Chandler said.  
  
"You have to work late AGAIN?" Shay whined.  
  
"Sorry kiddo," Chandler said. "Hey, Mon, you know what my favourite way to spend a free afternoon is?" he said softly, kissing her more passionately than her hello kiss.  
  
"One or two," she said smiling, when he broke the kiss.  
  
"You guys are sick. I'm going over to Laura's," Shay said. "Beth, if I were you, I'd get outta here too. They're gonna get all soppy and stuff."  
  
"Can I go to Megan's?" Beth asked.  
  
"Sure honey. Shay, will you walk her?" Monica said.  
  
"Aww, Mom!"   
  
"Please honey."  
  
"Fine. Come on Beth," Shay said, as the two girls left.  
  
"All alone at last," Chandler said, kissing her again.  
  
"I know. We never get any time alone anymore."  
  
"Well, I know you probably think we should talk or something, but I have a different idea, that I think is much, much better."  
  
"Cleaning the bathroom?" Monica teased.  
  
"No, I think you know what I mean. And it has absolutely nothing to do with cleaning."  
  
"Oh, sex," she said, as if she had only just realised what he was talking about.  
  
"Yeah, sex. You know, that thing we do that we love, that made our kids, who now prevent us having sex as often as we'd like," Chandler reminded her.  
  
"Oh yeah, now I remember."  
  
"Are you sure? Maybe you need a demonstration," he said lifting her up onto the kitchen counter. Monica giggled.  
  
The kids came home around dinner time, by which time Chandler and Monica had stopped fooling around, and had showered together and dressed again. Shay kept giving them weird looks. She was knew about sex, and the thought of her parents having sex completely disgusted her. Beth didn't really know much about it, so it didn't bother her so much.  
  
"Chandler, how late are you gonna be home tomorrow night?" Monica asked during dinner.  
  
"Um, about nine or ten. It depends on how stupid the people in my office are acting," he said. "Why?"  
  
"Damn, its Shay's Open House at school tomorrow. I can't miss it," Monica said.  
  
"Yes you can," Shay jumped in.  
  
"Nice try. Seriously Chandler. Who's gonna watch the kids?"  
  
"Okay, what time does this thing start?"  
  
"Seven thirty. But you really don't have to go," Shay persisted.  
  
"Yes I do honey. You think Phoebe would watch them?" she asked Chandler.  
  
"Probably, why don't you call her after dinner?"  
  
"Oh, unless she has plans with Karl?" Karl was Phoebe's husband.  
  
"Well then Ross, or Rachel, or Joey will be able to watch them. Don't worry about it," Chandler assured his wife.  
  
"Can Joey watch us again? That was real fun last time!" Beth said excitedly.  
  
"Maybe Joey shouldn't watch them," Chandler corrected himself.  
  
"Why does anyone have to watch us? Mom can stay home, then no one has to worry," Shay said.  
  
"That is not an option," Chandler said firmly.  
  
"Damn it," Shay cursed under her breath.  
  
"We don't need a babysitter," Beth said.  
  
"Yes you do," Monica said.  
  
"Well if we do, how come Joey doesn't?" Shay asked. Chandler had to laugh at that.  
  
"Because Joey is supposed to be an adult. And Uncle Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Mom and me, can't be bothered making sure someone is always watching him. See, we love you two much more than Joey, so we care enough to make sure you're not gonna eat three whole tubes of toothpaste and a jar of mayonanaise while we're out," Chandler said. Shay sighed.  
  
"I hate when you do that," she complained.  
  
"do what?"  
  
"Pretend you're being mean coz you love us."  
  
"Oh that old thing. I don't even have to think about that any more."  
  
"Did Joey really eat that stuff?" Beth asked, fascinated.  
  
"I don't want to know," Monica said, as Chandler opened his mouth, no doubt to go into it in more detail. He smiled innocently and closed his mouth.  
  
The following day, Shay whined about her Mom going to Open house. It wasn't that her teachers were going to say bad things about her, because she was a pretty good student. She just hated having to sit through the whole thing. Her teacher last year had pretended to talk to her, which was just embarrasing. Her third grade teacher had insisted Shay tell her parents how she thought she was doing, before the teacher would tell them how she was really doing, which was even worse. Her second grade teacher had asked her to wait outside, which was okay, but boring. And she hadn't gone until then because she had been sick.  
  
Beth didn't care about Open House, but she had gone in first grade and had spent the entire evening running around on a sugar high (Phoebe had given her sherbet) with her friends, annoying all the other parents and teachers, so Chandler and Monica had decided right then that she was staying home the following year.  
  
This time, she had nagged so much, Monica had simply told her she didn't have to go if she didn't want to, just so Shay would shut up about it for five minutes. Chandler had arranged for Joey, who was still exactly the same as he had been fifteen years ago, to babysit that evening.  
  
Joey arrived at seven o clock. Shay and Beth greeted him enthusiastically. Even though Shay maintained she was too old for a babysitter, she still liked Joey. He seemed so much like a kid himself, apart from when he told them about all the women he dated. Beth was begging Joey to tell them about his latest disasterous audition before Monica was even out of the door. She grinned at Joey, how smiled back then headed for the kitchen, Beth following. Shay waved at her mother, then slumped on the couch and started channel hopping.  
  
The Open House went well. Monica chatted to another Mom, Helen Woodward, until it was her turn to go in and see the fifth grade teacher, Mr Abbot. He told her Shay was getting all B's and was friendly, got on well with the other kids in class, although she had a tendancy to talk in class. Monica sighed. She wouldnt' have admitted it, but she found Open House almost as boring as Shay did, she KNEW all this stuff! Either Shay had told her, or she had figured it out for herself.  
  
After Mr Abbot was done, she went to see Mrs Berkley, Beth's second grade teacher. She was very small and thin. Monica regocnised her as the woman who had also taught Shay in second grade. Shay said there was a girl in her class who's Dad had been taught by mrs Berkley. Moncia wasn't sure whether she believed that or not, but Mrs Berkley sure looked old enough. She told Monica Beth was very quiet, but friendly enough and did well in arts and crafts, but hated math. 'Like Chandler,' Monica thought. Even though he worked with numbers all day every day, Chandler hated math.  
  
An hour and a half after she had arrived, Monica was on her way out. She waved to a few other Mom's who she knew through their kids and went home. She had walked, which she didn't do when the kids were with her, because they got bored and whiney. But it was only fifteen minutes away, and Chandler had the car at work, so she had decided to walk rather than order a cab.  
  
She was about halfway home when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Thinking it was another parent on their way home from Open House, Monica turned around. She didn't recognise the person who stood in front of her, but she had barely registered that fact before their hands where pushing her back. She tried to scream, but a gloved hand pressed over her mouth. They were near the children's park, and her attacker, which she supposed this was, pushed her towards the entrance. Once out of sight behind the bushes surrounding the small park, he pushed her to the ground. She tried to get up again, but was stopped by his weight coming heavily down on top of her. Monica tried to push him away, but he punched her hard. That stopped her struggles.  
  
"I have a gun," he whispered, "I swear I'll kill you if you cause a problem." she was terrified now, trembling all over, hating him lying on top of her, not daring to move. Something dug into her back, sratching her where her blouse had worked its way upwards.  
  
The man had his hand up her skirt now and Monica wanted to scream. She knew what he was about to do, but knew he meant what he said about killing her, so she lay as still as she could while he pushed her knee length shirt up to her waist and removed her panties. As he raped her, she closed her eyes and focused her attention on the pain of whatever was digging into her back rather than what this bastard was doing to her.   
  
When he was finished, he got up and backed away. Monica was crying quietly, not wanting him to hear, but knowing he probably would anyway. He kicked her sharply in the ribs, then walked off, leaving her lying, half naked, on the muddy grass.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Please review. Oh, and I forgot to say at the beginning, but I don't own these characters.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Part 2

Truth Unknown (part 2)  
  
She didn't know how long she lay there, skirt pushed up, panties discarded, tears running down her face, sobs racking her whole body. After a while, she heard voices, drunked and shouting, but still people. She was about to call out to them, but she remembered how she had lain submissively under her rapist and felt a deep sense of shame. For eighteen years, Chandler had been the only man she's had sex with. After their wedding, fifteen years ago, she had been happy in the knowledge that no other man would ever touch her that way again. And now she had let this bastard rape her. She didn't call out.  
  
Their voices did make Monica move though. She didn't want to risk them finding her like that. She didn't want anyone to see her in the state she was in right now. She scrambled to her feet, still crying and trembling all over, retrieved her panties and pulled her shirt straight.  
  
Crouching behind the hedge, Monica waited until their voices had faded to nothing before she went back onto the street. Their neighbourhood was quiet and respectable, so no one was out this late, shesaw a few cars pass by, but none of them even seemed to notice her.  
  
It was an agonising walk home. It would normally have taken only five or ten minutes to walk from the park to their home, but now it took her twice that. The physical pain of her brusied cheek from when he hit her, her sore stomach where he had kicked her, and the bruises on her thighs where he had forced her legs apart, that pain wasn't too bad, just a dull throbing.  
  
But the pain inside her, that unshakeable guilt, the feeling of being somehow violated, worry over how Chandler would react when he found out. She knew without any doubt that CHandler would find out. There was no way he couldn't, he knew her far too well. Monica had often thought Chandler could read her like a book.  
  
She didn't notice until she got to their front door that her attacker had stolen her purse as well, with all her credit cards, cash, photos of Shay, Beth and Chandler, and her keys. Slowly, she raised her hand and knocked on the door. Chandler answered a few seconds later, looking surprised that anyone was knocking so late at night. When he saw it was Monica he smiled.  
  
"So you got lost, and forgot your key?" he joked, refering to her lateness. Monica didn't answer, or even move to come in. chandler stopped smiling and looked at her more closely. He saw her brusied face, and the tears on her cheeks, and pulled her towards him. Chandler hugged her tightly and knew something was very wrong when she flinched away from his touch.  
  
"Mon?" he asked softly. "Mon, whats the matter?" She ignored his question and stepped inside, carefully avoiding brushing against Chandler. He shut the door and followed her into the livingroom. She sat on the edge of the couch nervously, knowing she would have to tell Chandler soon. "Mon?" he asked again. He stood in front of her. "We were worried about you."  
  
"I was attacked," she said in a small voice, not looking at Chandler. He nodded, he had guessed that much the moment she stepped insisde and he saw the pain on her face and the dark bruise on her cheek. He wanted to hold her and kiss it all better, but he sensed there was something else that she wasn't telling him. Some deeper pain which explained why she was afraid of his touch.  
  
"Oh Monica," he said softly. He sat on the couch next to her and tried to put his arm around her, but she edged away from him. She had started crying again, and he realised she had been crying for a long time. her eyes wee red and puffy, her cheeks damp and blotchy.  
  
"I was raped," she said in an even quieter voice. Chandler was increadibly shocked. He felt tears spring to his eyes and felt totally useless. How could he help Monica if she wouldn't even let him touch her?  
  
Monica looked at him nervously. She hated herself for pulling away from him, he was only trying to comfort her, but she couldn't help it. She could tell he wanted to hug her, but that he didn't dare reach for her again in case she was afriad of him. She knew Chandler would never hurt her, but that didnt' stop the irrational fear of his touch.  
  
"Oh my God," he said quietly. He would never have expected something like this to happen, and he was very relieved Shay and Beth were in bed (it was almost eleven o clock).  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she whispered. The confused, hurt look on his face scared her. What was he thinking?   
  
"No, no, no Mon, don't be sorry. None of this is your fault. none of it, you hear me? Absolutely none of it!" he said fiercely, then stopped, seeing the frightened look in Monica's eyes.  
  
"Chandler," she said softly, then found she didn't have the words to say what was on her mind. Deep down she knew he was right, buit she still blamed herself. If only she had taken the car, or asked Chandler to pick her up.The only thing she was glad about was that Shay and Beth hadn't been with her, Only maybe then they wouldn't have walked, or he wouldn't have chosen her. She knew thinking about stuff like that was useless. What had happened, had happened. She couldnt' do anything to change it, and thinking about what might have happened wasn't going to help her right now.  
  
Chandler guessed some of what she was thinking, and longed even more to hold her close. He was crying too, but was trying not to, knowing he would be no help to Monica if he got as upset as she was.  
  
"Monica, we should call the police," he said, standing up and moving slightly away, so she wouldn't feel so threatened by his closeness.  
  
"No, Chandler, please don't," she said, her eyes widening with fear.  
  
"Mon, I know its hard, but if we don't, the bastard who did this gets away with it," Chandler said angrily. Monica shrank away from him, making him even more angry, but not at Monica, at the man who had raped his wife. "I'm sorry. But please, would you just think about this," he said in a calmer, more controlled voice.  
  
"Chandler, do you know what the rape conviction rate is? Less than 10 percent," she said tearfully. Using facts to hide her fear.  
  
"Its still worth trying," CHandler insisted.  
  
"Why? So I get to go to court and see him again? I never want to see him again," she said. Chandler sighed. He didn't want to upset her, but he wanted hr attacker to be punished.  
  
"You don't have to," he said.  
  
"Please Chandler, dont' ask me to do this," she begged.  
  
"I'm sorry Monica," he said.  
  
"I just don't want to have to go over it all again. I just want to forget it ever happened," she said.  
  
"You really think you can forget this?" he asked gently.  
  
"I don't know," Monica said weakly. She let herself slump forward. Chandler sat down and she fell into his arms. He hugged her tightly, glad that she had realised he would never hurt her. He rocked her slwoly back and forth, letting her cry against him.  
  
An hour later, they were still there, on the couch, Chandler holding her, but Monica had finally stopped crying. She had started to wonder why she had trusted Chandler, then realised it didn't matter, the point was that she knew it was stupid to be afraid of him. Monica lifted her face away from Chandler's chest and looked at him. He looked very sad, she supposed that was her fault. It was now after midnights, and she knew he had to get up early to go to work, and she would have to as well to get the kids ready for school. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, but she shouldn't stop Chandler.  
  
She stood up stiffly, he stomach sending a sharp jolt of pain as she moved. Chandler looked up at her. Silently he put his arm around her and led her upstairs to their bedroom. He noticed she was shaking slightly and guessed she was nervous about sleeping so close to him. She had let him touch her, hold her, comfort her, but she was still afraid.  
  
"I can sleep in the spare room if you want," he offered, wishing he didn't have to, but knowing it was best for Monica if he did. She looked at him gratefully.  
  
"If you're sure you dont' mind, I think I'd rather be by myself tonight," she said, even though she desperately wanted to fall asleep with his arms around her, she kenw such close contact, even with Chandler, woudl just make falling asleep even hardwer.  
  
"No problem," he said, squeezing her a little closer for a second, then releasing her. "Just let me go get some pjs."  
  
"Sure, I wanted to go check on the girls, then take a shower, so take your time," she said. Chandler thought about commenting, but thought it was probably better to stay quiet.  
  
"Okay. 'Night," he said.  
  
"'Night," Monica returned, quietly opening the door to Beth's bedroom. Chandler stood and watched her go in, then close the door again.  
  
Monica kissed Beth's cheel and tucked the covers a little tighter around her. She picked Beth's stuffed panda up, which had fallen onto the floor and placed it on the pillow. Then she went in to see Shay, and picked her duvet up from where it had slipped half onto the floor. She kissed Shay on the cheek and crept out.  
  
Monica could hear Chandler still in their bedroom, so she went into the bathroom to take a long hot shower. She felt like she needed to scrub away all traces of the rape. She switched the water on and undressed while she waited for it to heat up, checking the door was locked several times.  
  
She stayed in the shower for half an hour, trying to wash her bruised body without actually looking at the marks. Her skin felt very sensitive, screaming out whenever she touched it. When Monica eventually stepped out, wrapped in a towel, she couldn't hear Chandler moving around anymore and assumed he had gone to bed. She had sighed. She had half hoped he would be as unable to sleep as her, but that obviously wasn't the case.  
  
Monica thought that, but it wasn't true. Chandler was lying in bed in the spare room, very wide awake. For seventeen years, since they first moved in together, he had never once slept alone. Even during the year before that, he had rarely been apart from Monica for more than one night. Chandler couldn't imagine sleeping in a different room from now until whenever she stopped being afraid of his touch. The room seemed empty without someone else, without her breath to sooth him. He wondered if Monica was feeling the same way, then thought she probably felt worse. He has heard her come out of the bathroom and desperately wanted to join her in their bedroom, but he didn't want to startle her, especially while she was wearing just a towel, or later, when she was lying alone in the dark. Monica would be terrified if he suddenly appeared in bed beside her.  
  
She would, but that didn't prevent her wanting to reach out and feel Chandler's body only a few inches away from hers. Monica knew she wouldn't dare touch him if he had been there, but she couldn't help wishing that she wasn't alone. Monica couldn't sleep. She kept reliving the rape in her mind and torturing herself with what if scenarios.  
  
Chandler finally managed to fall asleep at about four am, and he had to be at work at nine the next morning, which meant getting up at six thirty if he was going to make sure the kids got to school on time. He slept restlessly, plagued by nightmares of Monica and a stranger, who's face he couldn't see.  
  
Monica didn't fall asleep until almost five thirty am. She would have to wake up in an hour, but was so exhausted, both physically and mentally from the attack. She had expected to dream about it, but she didn't dream at all.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, there's part 2. Review, flame if you have to. Part 3 coming soon.  
  
  
  
  



	3. Part 3

Truth Unknown (part 3)  
  
Chandler woke up later than usual the next morning, at seven fifteen instead of half six. He had already decided not to go to work, but to stay home with Monica. But he still had to get the kids ready for school.  
  
"Come on you two," he called them, standing outside their rooms and throwing both doors wide open.  
  
"Aww, Dad," Shay moaned, burrowing further under her covers.  
  
"I have a tummy ache," Beth complained. She said that every morning. She just didn't like getting up early.  
  
"I'm not in the mood guys. Get up now. There's cereal and milk in the kitchen, help yourselves," he said. They weren't used to him being impatient with them, he was usually the fun one.  
  
An hour later, Chandler sent the kids to school. They whined about having to walk, and Chandler was slightly apprehensive about sending them out alone after what had happened to Monica, but there were loads of kids and parents around, they weren't in much danger.  
  
Once he was alone, he called his work and claimed he had to stay home because he was sick. Ever since Shay had been born, Chandler rarely skived off work, so his boss had no problem letting him stay off work. He even told Chandler not to come in until he was completely better.  
  
The only reason he had stayed home was so he could be there for Monica, but she was still fast asleep. He wasn't sure if she would even be glad to have him there at all. But Chandler decided to make the best of his day off and cleaned up the livingroom, more so that Monica wouldn't have to, than because he enjoyed cleaning.  
  
Monica woke up around ten o clock and her first thought was 'where's Chandler', but then she remembered the rape, and why Chandler wasn't in bed with her, and realised why she had overslept. She was a little disappointed at being alone, wishing she had a shoulder to cry on, preferably Chandler's, but she was also a little relieved, she needed time to think things over.  
  
Monica walked stiffly downstairs, her stomach aching and her legs shaky. She heard someone moving around in the kitchen, and at first she was scared that someone had broken in, but the door opened and Chandler came out, still wearing his pjs.  
  
"Hey, you're up!" he greeted her cheerfully, then suddenly hoped he wasn't being too cheerful, after everything that had happened last night.  
  
"Morning," she mumbled. She felt a little embarrased that she was only wearing a baggy shirt that technically belonged to Chandler, but Monica had adopted it as a nightshirt. She also felt a little guilty for feeling embarrased. After all, Chandler was her husband. He had seen her in this shirt every morning since forever, and nearly every night, he had seen her in even less. She had no real reason to be embarrased, and he clearly wasn't.  
  
"How you feeling?" he asked. She shrugged and ran her fingers distractedly through her hair.  
  
"I don't know. Not as bad as I was feeling last night. Still not brilliant though," Monica said, not mentioning the fact that her stomach still hurt and her bruises were still the same delightful shade of purple. Chandler smiled. He thought she was doing great. "What are you smiling for?" Monica snapped. "It still happened. I'm coping. I'm coping because I have to. Its the only think I can do. being miserable and hating myself forever won't change the fact that I was raped, it'd just make me feel even worse.  
  
"Mon, I'm just so proud. Seeing you last night, I don't know, it scared me. But now you're doing so great. I'm happy, that's all," he said. Monica smiled slightly. She knew what she had told Chandler was right, there was no point in spending every minute of her life thinking about it. But knowing that didn't stop her blaming herself for being stupid enough to walk home alone in the dark.  
  
"How come you stayed home today?" Monica asked, wanting to change the subject before Chandler realised that her brave act was just that: an act.  
  
"I just thought I'd keep you company," Chandler said. She smiled gratefully.  
  
"Thanks Chandler. I really do appreciate it, but I'm not an invalid," Monica said. Chandler made his puppy dog face at her. "I'm sorry. I just want to forget this happened," she added so he wouldn't feel bad.  
  
"Yeah okay. So, do you want breakfast?"  
  
"Sure," Monica agreed.  
  
They spent the day together, trying to act normal and avoiding mentioning the rape. Monica had a sharp look in her eyes which told Chandler she really didnt' want to talk about it, and he knew she would only get mad at him if he brought it up and tried to force her to open up more about how she felt about it. He hoped she would open up in time, but had no real way of knowing.  
  
The kids arrived home at about three thirty, and were mildly surprised to find both parents at home. Chandler had told them that morning to walk home, which they usually only did when Chandler and Monica both had to work, and one of the others was meeting them at the house to watch them for a couple of hours.  
  
The family spent the evening as normally as possible. Shay seemed to have guessed that something was wrong. Her big blue eyes kept drifting to the bruise on her mothers face that make up only partially hid. But Shay saw the look in Monica's eyes, and like her father decided it was best not to bring the issue up. Beth noticed to, and although she knew that it was a bad idea to ask Monica, she asked Chandler as he put her to bed.  
  
"Honey, nothing's the matter," he told her.  
  
"Then how come Mom was acting weird?" Beth asked.  
  
"She wasn't acting weird."  
  
"Well, how come her face is hurt?"  
  
"She fell down," Chandler said, unsure if Beth would believe him, but not wanting to have to tell an eight year old that her Mom had been attacked, and he REALLY didn't want to start explaining 'rape' to her. Luckily, Beth seemed to accept his stupid answer, although she gave him a look that said she wasn't sure. Chandler was relieved. Half an hour later, when he was tucking Shay in, Chandler could see the questions she wanted to ask on her face, but she stayed silent, and Chandler didn't want to bring it up himself. He knew it was cowardly and unfair to Shay, but he didnt want to answer any questions about it, and he knew once Shay got started she would be more persistant than her sister, and being older she would understand more, although still not enough.  
  
Once both kids were in bed, Chandler went back downstairs. Monica was curled up on the couch watching TV, but not really paying attention. She didnt' look up when Chandler came in. Normally, he would have sneaked up and hugged and kissed her, but he knew that however well she appeared to be handling ita ll, she wouldnt' appreciate him startling her.  
  
"Hi," he said softly, coming to sit next to her on the couch, but still far enough away so she wouldnt' be scared, or so he thought.  
  
"Hi. Are the girls in bed?" Monica asked.  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"I think I'm gonna go up and say goodnight to them."  
  
"'kay."  
  
Monica stood up and left the room. Chandler sighed. He thought she was trying to avoid being alone with him and hated it, but he didnt' want to pressure her. however, when she came back Monica surprised him by sitting very close to him, like she would have done just a couple of days ago.  
  
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings last night," Monica said softly. Chandler lifted a hand to her face and slowly stroked her cheek. He was delighted when she didn't jerk away.  
  
"Mon, don't apologise. It really is okay. I don't expect you to act like everythings okay. I know things will have changed. You dont' have to pretend its all okay because you don't want me to think somethings wrong between us. I know things will be different for a while because of this, but that's not your fault, or mine. Its that fucking rapists fault. You don't have to pretend for my sake," Chandler said. Monica leaned against him. He was so sweet.  
  
"Chandler, I know that. I'm just saying I'm sorry I pulled away from you last night, I know you were only trying to help. I just needed to be left alone, that's all."  
  
"I know," Chandler interrupted her. "I know, and I don't mind, honestly."  
  
"Chandler, that's not what I'm saying," she said. She snuggled even closer to him and smiled when he slipped his arm around her. Her skin was still extra sensitive and she felt his light touch on her waist through the thin fabric of her shirt.  
  
"Oh," Chandler said, confused. "What are you saying then?"  
  
"That I don't want us to sleep in separate rooms tonight," she said. She was very nervous about suggesting this, but tried not to let it show.  
  
"Are you sure?" Chandler asked, concerned, but he couldn't help smiling. He couldnt' deny that he had missed Monica's warmth next to his last night, but that didn't mean he wanted her to go further than she was ready to.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure," Monica nodded. She was. Finally, there was something that she knew for sure how she felt about. She hated the thought that the last person she'd had sex with had been a stranger who had raped her. She needed to be with Chandler again, to remember what it felt like to make love to them man she loved. She wanted to feel his tender caresses, his loving kisses, as well as the comfort of simply being in his arms.  
  
"You know you don't have to do this," Chandler said.  
  
"Yes I do, but not for the reasons you think. I'm not saying this because I feel I owe it to you or anything, because I know you'd never hold something like this against me. I'm saying this because I need to be close to you again. I need to experience this with you again. I know you probably don't understand," Monica tried to explain.  
  
"No, Mon, I think I do. You want to have sex with me to show that you've gotten over the rape," Chandler said.  
  
"No," Monica insisted, although thinking about it, she admitted to herself that maybe he was at least a little bit right. "Chandler, I don't want to spend weeks knowing that the last man I had sex with raped me. I want to go back to it being you."  
  
"You don't have to justify your reasons to me. If you're sure you really want to do this, I'm not going to say no. Just promise me something, okay? If you want me to stop, at any point, you HAVE to tell me. I don't care why you want to do this, or what you're trying to prove to yourself, if you're not completely comfortable with what I'm doing, you tell me to stop, and I will," Chandler said, so firmly he almost sounded angry.  
  
"Chandler, I will, I promise," Monica said smiling. She loved knowing that Chandler cared to much about her.   
  
"Okay then. Let's go have sex," Chandler said, suddenly feeling nervous, like he had when they had only just started dating, eighteen years ago. He didn't know why, it wasn't like he and Monica never had sex, he was just worried that she wasn't as ready for this as she thought.   
  
"Don't worry Chandler. Its going to be fine," she assured him, kissing him on the lips. He realised it was their first kiss since yesterday morning, since that was the last time he had seen her before she was raped. He hadn't known how much he missed kissing her until this moment, and he kissed her back with more passion than he had first intended. They stood up and wrapped their arms around each other. After a while, they broke the kiss and Monica took his hand. She lead him upstairs. Chandler started to ask if she was sure, but she put her finger on his lips to silence him.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, so Monica has totally changed, but that's what a good nights sleep can do for you. :) Please review, even if you hated it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. part 4

Truth Unknown (part 4)  
  
Okay, this part is gonna be NC-17 rated, but I didnt' want to rate the whole series that, so I'm adding this warning. If you don't want to read NC-17 stuff, they'll be a summary of what happened at the beginning of Part 5.  
  
Chandler had felt apprehensive about doing this while they were downstairs talking about it. Now that they were upstairs he felt terrified. He didnt' want to hurt Monica, but he didn't want her to think he didn't wanted her anymore or something. They were sat on the end of their bed, kissing. Chandler had his arm around Monica and could feel her tensing up. He didn't know what she was trying to do, but she had seemed so sure downstairs.  
  
"Mon?" he asked, pulling away from the kiss. "Are you okay?" She nodded. He raised his eyebrows to show he didn't really believe her. Monica responded by kissing him harder, to prove that she wasn't afraid. Chandler tried to forget that she had been raped such a short time ago, and tried to concentrate on making love to her with as much love and tenderness as possible. He didn't want to be thinking about some stranger forcing her to have sex with him, he knew if he did there was no way he would be able to go through with this, and morning clearly wanted it, so he tried to block it from his mind.  
  
Monica knew Chandler would be waiting for her to take things further, since he woudln't want to rush her, so she slowly started to unfasten Chandler's shirt. He kissed her neck as she pulled the shirt of his shoulders and for a few moments, simply held him tightly. He looked at her closely when he realised she was just hugging him and nothing more, wondering if she had pushed herself to far too soon. She wasn't crying, as he suspected, but Monica did appreciate the corncerned look he gave her. He put his arms around her, stopped kissing her neck and returned the hug.   
  
"Monica, are you sure this is really what you want?" Chandler asked softly. She nodded furiously against his chest.   
  
"Yes," she whispered, then pulled back from the hug and kissed him again. Chandler returned the kiss and gently started to slid his hands up Monica's T-shirt. Her skin felt like his fingers were made of electricity, not the kind they usually shared, a new, dangerous kind that made her skin jump away from Chandler's gentle touch rather than crave more of it. Chandler felt her flinch, but since she didn't stop kissing him, he decided to keep his hands where they were. After a few seconds, he slid them further up, and this time, although she flinched, it was much less than the first time, and he stroked her stomach gently to try and reassure her. Monica took her arms from around Chandler's neck only long enough to help him slip her t-shirt over her head. As Chandler's hands went to unhook her bra, Monica sighed softly. Chandler looked at her enquiringly, pausing in what he was doing. She smiled at him, hoping to make him less afraid to touch her. She hated flinching everytime she felt his hands on her body, and she knew he must be a little hurt about it, even if they both knew she couldnt' help it.  
  
As he unhooked her bra and tossed it too one side, Chandler reached for Monica's breasts. He ran his fingertips lightly over them, desperately wanting to simply take her nipple in his mouth and suck on it, but he knew she needed gentle touches first. Monica could feel practically every ridge of his fingerprints, but she forced herself to keep still. Slowly, Chandler lowered his head and kissed her breasts. She flinched slightly when she first felt his lips, but he ignored it and kept on kissing her breasts. She smiled as he circled each nipple with his tongue, one at a time, tracing the other with his fingers at the same time.  
  
Although they were both comfortable being topless, Chandler wasn't sure how Monica would want to play the next stage. Should he wait until she started trying to take of his pants, or should he make the first move? He hadn't felt this nervous about sex since he dated Kathy. With Monica, they had both been drunk the first time, which had eliminated any nerves, and after that, they had been too busy falling in love to worry about stuff like who made the first move when they were in bed. But now he wanted to make her feel safe and loved, but he didn't know if she was ready to gather enough courage to take of Chandler's pants.  
  
He leaned her back slowly, and she let him, until she was lying on her back. Chandler covered her stomach with soft kisses, being careful of her bruises. She shivered as his kisses went lower and he started to unzip her jeans. Monica had to clench her hands into fists to keep herself from stopping Chandler. She wanted this. She did. She was just nervous. Chandler looked up at her worriedly. He knew this was hard for her, and it would be much worse if she was tense. He felt guilt that he was making her so frightened, but she had assured him several times that she wanted this, and he thought she would get mad at him if he stopped.  
  
As Chandler pulled her jeans down, Monica felt very vulnerable, even though he left her panties on. He stroked her thighs, were he was sad to find more bruises. He kissed them, trying to make them better.   
  
"Poor Monica, poor baby," he mumbled. She smiled at his sweetness and pulled him up for a kiss. When the kiss ended, he rolled over onto his back, to give Monica some control. At first she was nervous, just stroking his chest lightly, but she gained confidence and moved down towards the waistband of his jeans. She unfastened them, her hands trembling. Chandler caught her shaking hands and helped her out. He stood up and removed his boxers as well, so he was standing naked in front of her.   
  
For a few moments, Monica stared at him. She had to remind herself that this was Chandler, not some stranger who didn't care one bit about her. It was Chandler, who she loved, and who loved her. He would never hurt her. She knew if he even thought for a second that she was in pain, he would stop instantly. Chandler looked so sweet, and so concerned about her. She sat up and pulled him towards her for a kiss. After a while, she lay back down with Chandler on top of her. He made a line of kisses down her neck, between her breasts, over her stomach until he reached her panties. Chandler looked up at Monica, making sure she still wanted him to go ahead. She smiled to tell him she did, but he thought her smile wasn't very convincing.  
  
As Chandler slowly pulled down her panties, Monica found herself trembling in fright. She had thought this would be okay. She had thought the knowledge that Chandler would love and protect her would be enough to help her get over the rape, but it wasn't. The simplest thing she needed was time, but she was impatient and didn't want to wait, because she was afraid the longer she waited to do this, the more afraid she would be.  
  
Chandler couldn't help but notice how afraid she was. He kissed her reassuringly and stroked her face. He moved back down her body, spending extra time on each of her breasts. He was aroused, but he knew she needed lots of attention tonight, since she was so tense and nervous, so Chandler tried to ignore his own need. He had no way of knowing that his erection pressing against Monica's leg scared her more than she ever could have imagined. It reminded her that Chandler was a man too, and all too human. She was scared he woudl get impatient with her and just do what he had to do and get it over with. Deep down she knew he wouldnt' do that, but that didnt' stop her being afraid he might.  
  
Trying to get her to relax, Chandler stroked her pussy. She moaned softly, despite herself and he knew it was working. He found her clitorus and teased it gently, she moaned again. Smiling to himself, Chandler inserted a finger into her and watched her face for her reaction. She was smiling now. He was glad he could still please her this way.   
  
Monica was relieved that she was finally starting to feel some wetness between her legs. She was starting to hope it would all just be over soon, so she could simply lie in his arms and be comforted by him. She knew she had asked him for this, and she didnt' want to stop him. She moaned again, a little louder this time, as Chandler inserted another finger into her. She had always loved it when he fingered her, and even now, with the current circumstances, it still turned her on.  
  
After he had been fingering her for a while, Chandler started to feel his own need and desire strengthening. He still didn't want to force her, but he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. He looked at her. She had her eyes closed and he thought she was crying. Chandler pulled his fingers out of her and moved so he was lying on his side next to her. She opened her eyes and looked at him, silently asking him why he had stopped.  
  
"Mon, are you crying?" he asked softly. She shook her head. "Monica?" he asked more firmly.   
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she said quietly.   
  
"Its okay, its okay honey. We can stop," he said.  
  
"Chandler, I don't want to stop," she said. He looked at her closely. If she didn't want to stop, then why was she crying.  
  
"Monica..." he started to say, but she cut him off by kissing him.  
  
"Chandler, please, dont' ask me why right now," she said pleadingly.   
  
"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked. She sighed.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Still feeling a little (okay, a lot) doubtful, Chandler resumed what he was doing, but monica pulled his hand up to her face. He got the message. She didn't want anymore of his soft touches, she just wanted him to fuck her, maybe so if would be over soon, he didn't know. He put on a condom, because although they rarely used contracpetion these days, he thought it would be better if they did, at least for the moment. Feeling very guilty, Chandler slowly entered her. He felt her tense and held still for a few seconds, trying not to hurt her. She placed her hands on his butt, feeling guilty for not trying to make him enjoy this, and tried to push him further into her. Chandler knew she was just trying to make him feel better, and he loved her so much for it, but at the same time he felt so sorry for her.  
  
As Chandler slowly thrust into her, Monica bit her lip. She knew he was trying not to hurt her, but it still did, because she was so nervous. Monica closed her eyes and hoped it would be over soon. She opened her eyes again when she felt Chandler's lips on hers. After a second or two, they moved to her cheeks and started kissing away tears she hadn't even realised were there.  
  
"Oh Monica," he mumbled in between kisses, still moving slowly inside her. "Please dont't cry." She tried not to, but his sweetness just made her cry even more. Chandler sighed and rolled away from her. Monica looked at him, afraid that she had hurt his feelings. "I can't do this," he said.  
  
"I'm sorry chandler," she whispered.  
  
"Oh honey, don't be sorry," he said, moving back and hugging her. "Its not your fault. I just can't stand to do this to you, knowing how much you're hating every moment."  
  
"Its not you Chandler, honestly," Monica told him.  
  
"I know. Monica, I know this isn't about me. Its not about us. This is about dealing with some serious issues, and I think all it is, is that you were pushing yourself to fast. If I'd had any sense, I wouldn't have gone this far, but I wanted to make you happy," he said.   
  
"I know. Thank you sweetie," monica said, trying to smile through her tears. Chandler had started to cry now too. He just felt so helpless, he hated not being able to help her. Even by doing what she had asked him to do, he had still upset her.  
  
"We're pathetic, aren't we?" he asked, after they had lain hugging each other for a while.   
  
"Uh huh," Monica agreed.  
  
"Good job we have each other," Chandler said. Monica smiled and hugged him a little tighter.   
  
They fell asleep in each other's arms, as they had so many times before, the only difference being they hadn't finished having sex. In the morning, Monica woke first, feeling uncomfortable being so close to Chandler when it was because of her that he hadn't been able to go through with it last night. She tried to wriggle out of his arms without waking him up, but it didn't work.  
  
"Honey?" he asked grogily. She looked at him guiltily. "What are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing," she said, not looking at him.  
  
"Monica, if you're feeling upset about last night, dont' worry about it," he said.  
  
"Its not that. I just have to get the kids up and ready for school."  
  
"Its Saturday," he pointed out.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Mon, really, its no big deal. I know its not because there's anything wrong between us. Stop worrying about it."  
  
"Chandler, its just not that easy."  
  
"I know. I know. Please, just don't rush things anymore. Learn from what happened last night. You need time, that's all. And I don't care how long it takes, you don't have to worry about me leaving or stopping loving you or anything. I will always be here for you, and I will give you as much time and space as you need."  
  
"I love you," she said, kissing his cheek. Chandler kissed her back, a soft kiss on the lips, then pulled her back down to the bed. Normally, this would have meant he wanted to have sex with her before they got up, but today, it just meant he wanted to comfort her and feel her nearness.  
  
"I love you too," he whispered. She smiled. Monica was increadibly glad Chandler was so suportive and understanding. Last night couldn't have been easy for him. She was annoyed at herself for letting it show, even though she knew she could never hide anything from Chandler, especially when they were in bed together. It was as if all the layers of defence and pretense were thrown aside with their clothes and all their secrets showed on their faces.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Tell me what you think. All you have to do is type a few words in that little box there. See it? Oh, and please no flames.  
  
  
  



	5. part 5

Truth Unknown (part 5)  
  
Okay, for those of you who didn't want to read the NC-17 rated chapter 4, basically C&M tried to have sex, but neither of them could go through with it.  
  
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Chandler wasn't sure how he was supposed to act. Monica had been awkward around him all day, which he hated, but he knew it wasn't her fault. Shay had seemed very uncomfortable, noticing the tension between her parents, but not daring to ask why, since Monica had already burst into tears during breakfast and when Chandler tried to kiss her goodbye before he took Beth to a birthday party.   
  
Shay approached Monica while she was cooking lunch. Monica seemed very concentrated, and jumped so much when Shay said hi, that she cut her finger instead of the potatoes she was peeling. Cursing under her breath, she ran her hand under the tap, even though she barely felt the pain.   
  
"Shay, you nearly gave me a heart attack," she said.  
  
"Sorry Mom, I thought you heard me come in," Shay said awkwardly.  
  
"Well I didn't," Monica snapped. Shay looked away. Monica sighed and turned off the tap, reaching for a towel to dry her hands. "Sorry honey. I'm just a little on edge right now."  
  
"How come?"  
  
"No particular reason," she lied.  
  
"I'm not stupid, Mom," Shay said, annoyed that her mother way lying to her.  
  
"I know Shay. But there are some things that you wouldn't understand, so there's no point burdening you with them."  
  
"Like what? What wouldn't I understand?" Shay demanded.  
  
"Honey, please," Monica begged.   
  
"Are you and Dad getting divorced?" Shay asked, afraid that was what they were hiding from her?   
  
"What? No, of course not," Monica assured her daughter.  
  
"So what is it?"  
  
"Honey, please don't ask me to tell you. I can't, I really can't. But its nothing to do with you, or Beth, or your father, okay?"  
  
"Whatever," Shay mumbled and stalked out of the kitchen. Of course it wasn't okay! How come grown ups always avoided telling the truth by saying you wouldnt' understand?  
  
Chandler came home about ten minutes later. Beth would be gone for the afternoon, and he was hoping he would be able to talk Shay into going out as well, so he could get some time alone with Monica, to talk to her. Not neccessarily about last night, but just in general. But his plans were ruined when Shay came in, apparantly in a whining mood.  
  
"Dad, are you and Mom getting divorced?" she asked as soon as she saw him, not even saying hello.  
  
"Hello to you too," chandler said. "And no, of course we're not getting divorced. Where on earth did you get that idea?" he asked, trying to be casual, but frantically wondering what Monica had said or done.   
  
"Nowhere," Shay said unconvincingly.  
  
"Shay, what's the matter?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Its just Mom was acting weird," she said. Chandler sighed. He should have known the kids would figure out something was wrong sooner or later, Monica couldn't hide it from them.  
  
"Look honey," he started, but was interrupted by a shout from the kitchen.  
  
"Shit!!" Monica said loudly. Shay grinned at hearing her Mom swear, Chandler glared at her, then hurried into the kitchen. Monica was standing there, staring at the ruined lunch, now a mess on the floor. She was clutching her arm, which was already turning red.  
  
"Mon, what happened?" Chandler asked, grabbing her and shoving her arm roughly under the tap, which he turned on, sending a cold stream of water of Monica's burnt arm. She jumped away from his rough touch, but he wouldn't let her. She was painfully aware of his body pressed close to hers, not so close that it would turn either of them on, but close enough to remind her of the previous night.  
  
"I dropped lunch, that's all," she said tearfully. She felt like ruining the dinner was just another sign that she couldn't cope, that she was falling to pieces. Chandler rested his chin on her shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, that's all," he whispered, so Shay, who was now standing in the doorway, couldn't hear. "And no one's mad, and no one thinks this is a sign of anything. Its just lunch. Its just an accident. Okay?" he said gently. Monica bit her lip and nodded.  
  
"What are we gonna eat now?" Shay asked.  
  
"We'll order pizza," Chandler said, still hugging Monica from behind and holding her arm under the tap. "Shay, honey, mind the tray, its hot," he warned, as Shay started towards them.  
  
"Relax Dad, I'm just getting the pizza place menus," she said.  
  
"Okay, could you please go look at them in the living room, while I clear up this mess?" he asked. Shay gave him a funny look, but did as he asked.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," Monica said, crying. Her arm hurt, and she felt bad about ruining lunch, as well as still feeling upset and shaky about last night, as well as the rape itself.  
  
"If you say sorry one more time, I swear, I'll scream," Chandler teased. "Now, keep your arm there," he instructed, letting go of her and starting to clear up the mess on the floor. Monica turned away and stared at the wall above the sink. She had tears in her eyes, which she didn't want Chandler to see. She felt stupid for crying. It was no big deal. But she couldnt' help it.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, the floor was wiped and Monica's arm had gone numb. Chandler had told her to keep it under the water for as long as possible. Chandler hugged her again, not knowing what else to do. She leaned against him, without trembling, and welcomed his arms around her.   
  
"How's your arm feeling?" he asked.  
  
"Its not," she said, "I can't feel it at all."  
  
"Let me have a look," Chandler said, turning off the water and bringing her arm over to him so he could look at it closely. Monica winced as he gently held it, not because she was scared, but because it stung. Her arm was very red, and obviously painfull, but Chandler didn't think there was much point in letting her sit with it in the sink all day. "I think you'll live," he told her, smiling.  
  
"Oh good," Monica said, pretending to be relieved.  
  
"I think there's a burns dressing upstairs, I'll have a look," Chandler said. Monica followed him out of the kitchen, although she waited in the living room with Shay.  
  
"I decided what pizza I want," Shay announced.  
  
"Okay honey, just hang on a minute," Chandler called, from halfway up the stairs.  
  
"'Kay," shay agreed. "God, Mom, what happened? You look like you're gonna throw up or faint or something?" she said, looking at her mother's pale face in shock.  
  
"I'm okay honey," she said, although she did feel a little shaky.  
  
Chandler reappeared holding the dressing. He fixed it on her arm, hating to see her in pain. He kissed the top of her head when he was done. Monica smiled and let his arms linger around her, knowing he was only hugging her as a friend.  
  
"Ahem! Pizza?" Shay reminded them.  
  
"Monica, are you sure you didn't sleep with Joey? Coz i'm sure Shay's his daughter, not mine!" Chandler joked. Monica chuckled.  
  
"And you've never nagged for pizza, I suppose?" she teased.  
  
"Of course not!" Chandler claimed innocently.  
  
While they were eating, Monica was almost able to forget the rape. It was easier to focus on the painful burn on her arm than the deep down emotional scars of the rape. The burn was something physical, that would probably leave a visible scar, the only scars she'd have of the rape, once her bruises healed would be in her head. Chandler guessed some of what she was thinking by the way she kept staring at the dressing.  
  
"You okay?" he asked softly when Shay was in the, now clean kitchen getting another drink.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Never felt better," Monica said sarcastically. She sighed. "Chandler, now is not the time to discuss this."  
  
"Well when can we? I know this is hard for you, but we have to talk about it some time. We usually talk about stuff like this in bed, but after last night..." Chandler trailed off, realising that the last thing Monica needed right now was to be reminded of last night. And he wasn't so keen on thinking about it either. Monica didn't get a chance to answer, as Shay came back in.   
  
"I have a headache, I'm going to lie down," Monica said stiffly. Chandler sighed.  
  
"Mon," he said pleadingly, begging her with his eyes to let him in on how she was feeling.  
  
"Goodnight Shay, 'night Chandler," she said, ignoring Chandler's plea and walking out.  
  
"What's up with her?" Shay asked, raising her eyebrows. She thought maybe her parents had had a fight, but wouldn't she have heard them shouting? And she hadn't been long enough for them to have got really mad at each other.  
  
"You're Mom's just having a hard time right now," Chandler said.  
  
"Dad! Would you please just tell me what the hells going on? I'm eleven! I'm not a little kid!" Shay argued.  
  
"Shay, honey, this is different. Anyway, its not really my 'thing' to tell you," he said, hoping he wasn't landing Monica in it for another question round.  
  
"She's not pregnant is she?" Shay asked suspiciously.   
  
"No!" Chandler said a little more forcefully than he had intended. Shit, he hadn't thought about the possibility that Monica could be pregnant, or have some disease or something!  
  
"Chill Dad, I was just asking," Shay said, a little startled by his reaction.  
  
"Sorry honey."  
  
"Dad, whats the matter? Are you guys fighting or something?"  
  
"No honey, everything between your mother and me is absolutely fine," he said dully, knowing full well everything wasn't fine.  
  
"Dad," Shay said, letting him know she didn't believe him.  
  
"Okay, okay, but Shay, honey, promise me you won't tell your Mom I told you?"  
  
"Of course not," Shay promised, wondering what could be so serious.  
  
"Well, when she was coming home from Open House, she was attacked."  
  
"Oh my God!" Shay gasped. Chandler pulled her onto the couch next to him.   
  
"I know. Anyway, she had her bag stolen, and," he took a deep breath, praying Shay would understand the concept of rape because he really didn't feel like having to explain it. "She was raped." Shay looked confused. "Honey, do you know what that means?"  
  
"I think its something to do with sex, right?" Shay asked uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah, it is. It means a guy she didn't know forced her to have sex with him," he explained as simply as possible, using the definition that best matched their situation, rather than a more complicated one.  
  
"She didn't want to?" Shay asked, still confused.  
  
"No. That's why she's on edge right now. It made her really nervous," Chandler said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Um, I, uh," he said, groping for an explanation. He had accepted until now that Monica had every reason in the world to act the way she was, so why couldnt' he explain that simply to Shay? "Well, I'm not totally sure. But please don't bug her about it, because its perfectly normal in this situation for her to feel like that."  
  
"I won't," shay promised quietly. She still didn't really get it. Some guy had forced her Mom to have sex with her, when she didn't want to. And that had made her act strange? "Are you gonna tell Mom you told me?" she asked.  
  
"I dont' know," he said thoughtfully. He knew Monica didn't want anyone to know, but surely she'd rather he told Shay the truth than let her worry that her parents were getting divorced or something.  
  
"Think about it," Shay advised, repeating the advice she always seemed to be given when she wasn't sure about something. Chandler smiled and kissed her cheek.  
  
"Thanks honey."  
  
"Can I go out and call for Jessica now?" Shay asked, jumping to her feet. She wanted to get out of the house, which suddenly seemed shrouded in secrecy, lies, hurt and something else that she didn't really understand.  
  
"Sure. Remember what I said about not telling anyone?"  
  
"Yeah. Dad, that's what Robyn's dad told her when he hit her. Is rape bad like that?" she asked.  
  
"Kind of. But me asking you to keep it a secret isn't. I just don't want your Mom to feel like everybody knows. She's still very mixed up about it."  
  
"Okay. See ya!" Shay called, grabbing her coat and hurrying out. Chandler watched her go. He wondered if he was right to burden her like that. She obviously didn't really understand anymore than the most basic aspects, but she would have felt worse not knowing.  
  
"Bye," he called as the front door slammed shut.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Don't worry, I'm not gonna rip off Ashlee's series and have Monica pregnant. Please review. :)  
  
  
  



	6. Part 6

Truth Unknown (part 6)  
  
Chandler went upstairs to see Monica. He didnt' know if she's be willing to talk, but he wanted her to forgive him for whatever he had done to upset her. Chandler went into their bedroom. At first he didn't think Monica was there, but then he heard a small wimper and took a closer look. Monica was crouched on the floor in the small gap between their bed and the wall, hugging her knees, face hidden.  
  
"Oh Mon," Chandler said softly, going over and kneeling in front of her. He touched her arms gently and she looked up. She was crying. "Mon, don't cry, I'm sorry I snapped at you, I just hate seeing you like this."  
  
"I know, I'm sorry," Monica said quietly, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She leaned forward and welcomed Chandler's arms around her.  
  
"I'm really not trying to rush you. But I can't stand knowing how upset you are over this. I just want to help you Monica," he said gently.  
  
"I know honey, I know," Monica mumbled. Chandler held her tightly. "Where's Shay?"  
  
"Gone out."  
  
"Was she freaked out?"   
  
"A little."  
  
"What did you tell her?" Chandler paused.  
  
"I told her the truth," he said quietly. Monica pulled back a little and looked at him.  
  
"That I was raped?" she asked, knowing that was what he meant, but just wanting to make sure.  
  
"Yeah. I don't know how much of it she understood though," Chandler said. Monica leaned against him again.  
  
"Are we gonna tell Beth?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know. I mean, I hate asking Shay to keep secrets, but I really don't think Beth would be able to understand," Chandler said, considering it.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I just figure, if we don't tell her now, we can never tell her, because if we wait until she's old enough to understand, she'll hate us for not telling her to begin with, especially since we told Shay. She'll think we treat her like a baby or something," Monica said.  
  
"Look, its up to you. If you think she can handle it, we'll tell her, if not we won't," Chandler said.  
  
"Oh God, what if Shay lets something slip? Beth would almost certainly get the wrong end of the stick."  
  
"Yeah. So what do you think?" Chandler asked.  
  
"I think we should think about it a little more before we decide anything," Monica suggested. Chandler smiled.  
  
"But not right now, huh?" he asked, knowing that was what she meant, but hadn't wanted to say. Monica nodded.  
  
That evening, Shay seemed a little strange. Monica had told her it was okay that Chandler had told her, which Shay was grateful for. She hated keeping secrets from her mother. Beth had noticed something was wrong, but now that Monica no longer flinched everytime Chandler touched her, Beth seemed to have forgotten about it.  
  
When it came to going to bed, Chandler let Monica decide what their sleeping arrangements were going to be. He wanted her to allow them to sleep together, in the sense of being in the same bed, but he knew he couldn't rush her.  
  
"Honey, I know its not fair of me to ask you to ask you to sleep in the guest room all the time," Monica said as he took his pjs and started to leave their bedroom.  
  
"You need your space," he said, trying to sounds sympathetic rather than resentful.  
  
"Chandler, I'm sorry, I know this is hard on you too. I'll tell you what, you stay here," she said. Chandler smiled hopefully. "I'll go sleep in the guestroom." he sighed, his hopes crashing down.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I really don't mind."  
  
"Okay then," Chandler crossed the room back to Monica and kissed her cheek. She put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug, clutching him desperately. "Mon?" he asked after a few minutes when she still hadn't let go.  
  
"Sorry," she said, instantly releasing him and stepping back. She busied herself with taking her nightie out of the drawer by their bed, but Chandler stopped her and took her hands.  
  
"I didnt' mean I was sick of hugging you," he said gently. "I could never get sick of that. I was just wondering if you were okay."  
  
"Yeah," Monica said. She hugged him again, but only for a few seconds this time. Then she kissed him, just a light brush against his lips, but it was more than he had expected. He grinned. Monica beamed back at him and took her nightie. She started to walk out.  
  
"Mon?" he said. She turned and looked back at him questioningly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I love you," Chandler said. He didnt' want to go to sleep without at least having told her he loved her. Monica smiled.  
  
"I love you too," she replied.  
  
Monica lay in the single bed in the guest room wishing she was back in their bedroom with Chandler. She would even have been grateful just to have been in the same room, even if she couldnt' touch him. After an hour of lying awake, Monica gave up tyring to sleep alone. She got up and crept into their bedroom. Chandler was awake, which she hadn't expected. He sat up when he heard the door open, expecting it to be Beth having had a nightmare.  
  
"Monica?" he asked, blinking, wondering why she had come in. His first thought was that she had forgotten something, then he thought maybe he was dreaming.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," she whispered.  
  
"Me neither," Chandler replied. Monica slowly walked over to the bed. Chandler edged over to allow her room. She was half grateful that he did, half sad. There was still a part of her that wanted Chandler's arms around her. But even though she wasn't touching Chandler at all, simply knowing that he was there was enough to allow her to fall asleep. Chandler however, found it harder to fall asleep.  
  
Once he was sure monica was asleep, Chandler rolled over and put his arm around her. She sighed slightly in her sleep, but didnt' wake up. Chandler promised himself that he would make sure he woke up earlyand move away to give her space.  
  
Chandler did wake up first, but he couldnt' quite bring himself to roll over to the other side of the bed. When Monica opened her eyes and saw Chandler's face so close to hers and felt his arms holding her tight keeping her safe, she felt happier than she had felt since the rape. She smiled at him.  
  
"Sorry, I couldn't fall asleep without holding you," Chandler confessed.  
  
"Its okay," Monica assured him. She kissed his nose, making him laugh and pull her back for a proper kiss.  
  
"I think we'll save ourselves a lot of time, trouble and sleeplessness if we just agree to sleep in here together to start of with. not sex, just cuddling," he smiled. Monica kissed him.  
  
"What did I do to deserve you?" she asked lovingly.  
  
"I don't know. You must have doen something really bad in a former life or something," Chandler joked, making Monica hit him playfully.  
  
Chandler made breakfast, to give Monica a break, which she appreciated. While they ate, Shay was unusually quite until they were nearly finished.  
  
"Dad, what time is Uncle Ross picking us up?" Shay asked.  
  
"What?" Chandler said confused.  
  
"Remember, Uncle Ross is taking us to Central Park today," Beth reminded him.  
  
"Oh God, yeah, um ten o clock I think," Chandler said. Monica nodded.  
  
"Yeah, that's right, he's bringing them back at four," she said.  
  
Monica hurried the kids upstairs to get ready once they had finished breakfast. Ross arrived five minutes early and chatted to Chandler for a few minutes, while Monica brushed Beth's hair and dug Shay's sneakers out from under her bed. Chandler was surprised that Monica didn't come down with the kids. She didn't see Ross as often as she used to, but they were still very close.  
  
"Where's Mon? i wanna say hi," Ross said as the girls put on their coats.  
  
"Upstairs," Shay said quickly. "I think she's in the shower." Chandler raised his eyebrows. He knew Monica wasn't in the shower and Shay was lying for her. He sighed. Yet another mess for him to have to sort out.  
  
"Okay, well tell her I said hi, okay," Ross said. Chandler nodded.  
  
"Sure, I will do," he promised.  
  
As soon as Ross and the kids left, Chandler went upstairs. He wanted to know why Monica had avoided Ross. She was hovering near the top of the stairs, obviously expecting that he would come up.  
  
"What's going on Monica?" chandler demanded. She looked down and refused to meet his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to tell everyone yet," she said.  
  
"Who said you have to? Ross only wanted to say hi!" Chandler pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, but I hate lying to him," Monica said.  
  
"Mon, did you ask Shay to say you were in the shower?" Chandler demanded.   
  
"No!" Monica denied, her eyes wide. "Of course not! Chandler, I woudl never ask her to lie for me!" she said. Chandler believed her.  
  
"Well she did. Honey, I know this is hard on you, you were the one who was raped after all. But please rememeber that its hard on me and Shay too, even Beth," Chandler said.  
  
"Maybe telling Shay wasn't such a good idea after all," Monica said thoughtfully.  
  
"Maybe it wasn't, but we did," Chandler said, refusing to get into another should have, would have, could have discussion with her.  
  
"No, you did," Monica reminded him coldly.  
  
"Yes, I did, because she was worried and upset and scared to death that we were getting divorced. I made the decision to tlel her because I thought it was what was best for all of us," Chandler said, beginning to get angry.  
  
"Don't shout at me Chandler!" monica said warningly. Chandler was reminded that despite her quite attitude since she was attacked, Monica was easily stronger than him by a mile whenever they fought. "I'm sorry Shay's upset, but its not my fault!" she was getting defensive, which Chandler didn't want.  
  
"I'm sorry honey," he said, making a consicous effort tao calm down.  
  
"Chandler, I hate the effect this is having on Shay, and I'm sorry its affected you. But I can't deal with you hating me right now. The only way I can cope with what's happened is with your help. I need to know you're on my side," Monica said. She felt tears pricking the back of her eyes and tried to hold them back. She didn't want Chandler to see her as weak or unable to cope.  
  
"Monica, I am on your side. Believe me, I am," he assured her. "I always will be, which is why I'm trying to stop you blocking out everyone who loves you. I know you probably don't want them all to know what happened, but don't shut them out," Chandler begged her. "I'm sorry Mon," he said as she started to cry. "I'm only trying to help you."  
  
"I know," Monica mumbled.  
  
"Don't cry Mon," he said, soothingly, trying to hug her, but she stepped back, away from him. "What?" he asked, a little hurt.  
  
"I'm sorry sweetie. I appreciate your support, really I do. But right now, I think I need to be alone," Monica said. Chandler nodded sadly.  
  
"sure," he said, turning to go back downstairs, leaving Monica alone in their bedroom. When he was gone, Monica lay on her back on the bed. She had stopped crying, to her surprise, but she still felt upset, although not with Chandler. She knew if he hurt her, he didn't mean to, he would never intentionally hurt her, no matter what.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Kinda short and I'm sorry, but please review anyway.  
  
  
  



	7. Part 7

Truth Unknown (part 7)  
  
When Ross brought the kids home, Chandler was moping on the couch. Monica still hadn't come back downstairs, and he was starting to wish he hadn't got mad at her, even though he didn't think he had done anything so awful. He tried to act cheerful when Beth came bouncing in, closely followed by Ross and Shay. Beth launched into a story about something that had happened at the park, but Chandler wasn't really listening. Shay looked at him pityingly, which he hated. She shouldn't be pitying her father.  
  
"Where's Mon?" Ross asked. He wondered why Chandler looked so miserable, maybe they'd had a fight or something and Monica was avoiding him.  
  
"Still in the shower," Chandler said sarcastically.  
  
"Is everything okay with you guys?" Ross asked worriedly.  
  
"No, they're getting divorced, you're a bad influence on them," Shay said with just as much sarcasm as her father. Ross wasn't dumb. He sensed there was something else going on, but that he wasn't being let in on it.  
  
"I'll just go take my bad influence away then," he said, a little hurt. Chandler shrugged, uncaring. Beth waved cheerfully.  
  
"Dad, what's going on?" Shay asked as soon as Beth went upstairs to her room.  
  
"Your Mom just needs some time to herself," Chandler said dejectedly.  
  
"Why?" Shay asked.  
  
"Your guess is as good as mine honey," he said.  
  
"Well why don't you go up there and talk to her? That's what you always tell me and Beth when we have a fight," Shay suggested.  
  
"We havent' had a fight," Chandler insisted. Shay looked at him sceptically. There was a knock on the door. "And I can't go up there because Ross probably forgot something."  
  
"Sure, saved by the knocker," Shay joked. Chandler grinned feebly at her and went to answer the door.  
  
"Is Monica home?" a strange man asked. Chandler looked at him suspiciously.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
  
"Her boyfriend," the stranger answered.  
  
"What?" Chandler answered, shocked. He couldnt' believe Monica would ever cheat on him, but a little voice in the back of his mind suggested that maybe she hadn't been raped, maybe she was sleeping with another guy, which would explain why she didnt' want to have sex with him anymore.  
  
"I'm her boyfriend, my names Matthew Riley. Who are you? Her brother or something?"  
  
"I'm her husband," Chandler said coldly. Matthew looked a little surprised.  
  
"Can I come in?" he persisted.  
  
"Whatever, just hang on," Chandler said, giving up. If Monica wanted to cheat, he was past caring. He didnt' realise he was simply in shock. He called Shay and Beth and told them to go into the kitchen and stay there. Then he let Matthew in and told him to go upstairs. Matthew was very surprised at Chandler's passivity, but it made what he had to do much easier.  
  
As soon as he was slumped in a chair in the living room, Chandler realised what had just happened. Monica was cheating on him. How could she? And how could he just let her boyfriend into his house with his kids? Chandler was suddenly struck by a horrible thought: what if they weren't his kids? Then he quickly dismissed it. There was no way she could have fooled him for eight years. But Oh God, she was cheating on him. Chandler put his head in his hands and cried. At the sound of their father crying, Beth and Shay peeked round the kitchen door, looking frightened.  
  
"Get back in the kitchen!" Chandler snapped at them. Shay held his gaze for a minute or two, but Chandler couldn't stand to see the sadness in his daughter's eyes so he stood up. "I have to go," he said.  
  
"Where?" Shay asked instantly.  
  
"Joey's" he answered quickly, not yet sure if he actually would.  
  
"Why?" Shay persisted.  
  
"I love you both, remember that," Chandler said, ignoring Shay's question.  
  
"You sound like you're not coming back?" Shay said quietly.  
  
"Daddy why are you leaving and not coming back?" Beth asked, picking up on that.  
  
"I love you," he said, then hurried out before they could ask any more questions.  
  
"Is this about the rape?" Shay called after him. Chandler ignored her.  
  
"What's rape?" Beth asked, not understanding. Was it like a fight? Shay didn't answer, she pushed past her sister and started up the stairs. She wasn't halfway up before she heard a muffled scream. It was Monica. Shay froze, terrified. Beth was now standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at her sister, she too had heard the scream. Shay went back down the stairs and pushed Beth into the kitchen, shutting the door firmly.  
  
"Help me," she said, pushing the table against the door. Beth helped as much as she could, although she didn't understand what they were doing or why.  
  
"won't we get in trouble?" she asked as Shay picked up a chair and put it on top of the table.  
  
"No," Shay said shortly, piling all four of the kitchen chairs up.  
  
Upstairs, Monica was sat on the bed, pressed up against the headboard. She was terrified. Matthew crouched over her with a knife held up against her cheek. His other hand was over her mouth.  
  
"If I move this hand," he said, meaning the one over her face. "You won't try to call for help, will you?" he asked, knowing she was too afraid. She shook her head. She wouldn't. She had heard the front door slam shut, and hoped Chandler had taken the kids someplace safe, but she couldn't be sure that the three of them weren't still in the house. If her attacker killed her, he could easily go downstairs and kill Chandler, Shay and Beth as well. "Good girl," he said as he cautiously moved his hand and she stayed quiet. "Now, you've been good so far, haven't gone running to the police or anything. That's good," he said in a low voice. Monica squirmed in his firm grasp, but he pressed the knife harder against her face and she stopped. Monica felt his free hand start to work on the fly of her jeans. She was terrified. This man had raped her before, in a dark, deserted park. Now he was going to repeat the experience in daylight, in her own home, in the same bed she had shared with Chandler for most of their married life. The thought made her sick.  
  
He raped her. It didnt' take long, and Monica survived it only by focusing on the image of Chandler and the girls. When he was done, the rapist kissed her on the lips, as tenderly as a lover, and slipped out. She lay motionless on the bed until she heard his footsteps go down the stairs and him open, then close the front door.  
  
Forcing herself to take every step, Monica got off the bed, fixed her clothes and went downstairs. She barely noticed the tears still falling down her cheeks, or the thin cut where he had pressed the blade a little too hard. She found Shay and Beth cowering in the kitchen, leaning agaisnt the wall, hugging each other tightly. They were both crying. But there was no sign of Chandler.  
  
"Mom, who was that? Why were you screaming?" Shay asked.  
  
"Honey, I'm sorry, you two were scared," monica said, crouching on the floor in front of them. She saw Shay's eyes land on the cut on her cheek and self consiously put her hand to her face to try and hide it. Beth flung herself forward into her mother's arms, sobbing. Shay followed suit. Monica realised Shay must know something of what had happened, because she wasnt' usually tearful.  
  
"How come Dad left?" Beth asked, her voice muffled.  
  
"Is he gone forever?" Shay asked, sounding younger than her eleven years.  
  
"What?" Monica asked. She sincerly hoped the girls had misunderstood, that Chandler had simply gone to call the police or even Ross or one of their friends. He wouldn't have gone for good.  
  
"He said he loved us, and never to forget it," Shay said "and he wouldnt' say if he was coming back or not."   
  
Monica stood up and stepped away from the kids. She stared at them in horror, realising the dreadful truth of what was happening. Chandler had left, she had no idea why. She had a stalker (what else could he have been, to have found out where she lived) who had now raped her twice. As well as two crying children to deal with, and no way of comforting them, since all she wanted was for someone (Chandler) to take her in their arms and comfort her.  
  
For the next week, Monica moped and cried most of the time. She kept Shay and Beth home from school, but they were just as miserable as she was. Shay especially, since she was convinced it was something to do with her Mom being raped that had made her Dad leave. Beth had asked Monica a couple of times what rape was, and recieved no answer other than a fresh flood of tears from her mother. Monica didn't answer the phone, even though she knew Chandler might be calling. She didn't want to have to talk to her friends or Chandler's boss explaining where Chandler was and why he had left. She still didnt' know why he had left.   
  
The Friday after Chandler left, the whole gang came round. It was the first time they'd all been together in a year or so, and they all wished it could have been for something happier than the fact that none of them had heard from Chandler or Monica in a week and when they tried calling them, there had been no answer. Phoebe had first called on Tuesday to ask if Monica wanted to go shopping with her. She had called seven times that day, and more times in the days following. She refused to believe that Chandler and Monica would go away, especially during term time, without telling a soul. So she had gotten worried and called the others. None of them knew anything either, so they had all gone to Chandler and Monica's house and started knocking on the door, and shouting until Monica finally let them in.  
  
"Oh my God Mon!" Rachel said softly.   
  
Monica looked awful. She was wearing Chandler's sweat pants and his Knicks sweatshirt. Her hair looked like it hadn't been brushed for several days, she wore no make-up and there were dark circles under her eyes. The cut from Matthew's knife had left a red mark on her cheek, which was slowly healing, and she had a fading bruise around her eye from the first attack.  
  
She tried to smile when she saw the gang, but it looked very forced. She let them all in and they sat in the living room. Ross was staring at her, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, and Phoebe had her arm around her. Shay and Beth came in, looking slightly better than Monica, although just as unhappy.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Joey asked. Both Shay and Monica started to cry. Phoebe hugged Monica tightly and Rachel pulled Shay towards her.   
  
"Chandler's gone," Monica said miserably. At hearing it confirmed yet again, Beth too started to cry. Phoebe, Joey and Rachel exchanged looks. Something serious must have happened to make Chandler leave, just like that. Ross was still staring at Monica.  
  
"Oh God," joey muttered. He hugged Beth, trying to comfort her. She climbed into his lap and cried against his shoulder.  
  
"He said he was going to stay with you," Shay remembered suddenly.  
  
"What? I haven't seen him for ages," Joey said confused.  
  
"What happened Monica, why would he just leave?" Rachel asked.  
  
"I dont' know. A whole load of shit's been happening, but I thought he was dealing with it okay, and then..." Monica trailed off. "Shay, would you take your sister upstairs please?" she asked. Shay wiped her eyes and nodded bravely. The two girls left the room.  
  
"Mon?" Phoebe prompted.  
  
"After Open House at the kids' school, I was walking home, when a guy attacked me," she said. "He raped me," she added quietly.  
  
"Oh honey," Rachel said sympathetically.  
  
"The same man came here last weekend, and Chandler, Chandler let him in, I dont' know why he'd let a stranger in, but anyway, he raped me again, in my bedroom," she said, crying harder. Tears pricked in Rachel and Phoebe's eyes at seeing their friend so upset. "And Chandler left and I don't know why, or where he's gone or anything," she wailed.  
  
"We'll find him," joey promised.   
  
"Honey, I'm so sorry," Phoebe said. Rachel nodded.  
  
"Would you like us to look after the kids for a while, so you can get yourself back on your feet?" she offered. Monica shook her head. The kids needed her, and she needed them too. They were the only reason she kept going.  
  
"I swear I'll kill the bastard," Ross said in a low, fierce voice. Even he wasn't sure if he meant Chandler or the rapist.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Please review, flame if you want, I dont' care. Oh, and thanks to Anna P for the name of the rapist.  
  
  
  
  



	8. Part 8

**Truth Unknown (part 8)**

****

Yes, I know its been a looooooooooooooooong time since I last updated this, and I'm guessing most people have forgotten about it, but I just wanted to try and continue it again. Its probably best if you read through the first 7 chapters again, but if you can't be bothered, basically, Monica and Chandler have been married 15 years, they have 2 kids, Shay (aged 11) and Beth (aged 8). Monica was raped and her and Chandler seemed to be coping, then the rapist (Matthew Riley) came to their house and attacked Mon again. Chandler got the wrong idea and left and no one's seen him for a week. Monica just told the gang what happened.

***************************************************************

When her friends had gone home again, all promising to call immediately if they heard anything from Chandler, Monica went upstairs to check on the kids. They were both in Shay's room, watching an old Disney video, although Monica could tell neither of them were really paying much attention to it. Shay switched it off as soon as Monica came into the room, without even being asked.

"Did they know where Dad is?" she asked hopefully. Monica shook her head sadly.

"When is Dad coming back?" Beth demanded. Shay poked her angrily.

"Mom doesn't know that stupid!" she told her sister.

"Shay, don't call your sister names," Monica said automatically. "But you're right, I have no idea when he's coming back, or where he is, or why he left or anything more than you two do." Two tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. Shay felt uncomfortable at seeing her mother cry. Beth jumped up from her seat on the bed and hugged Monica. A minute later, Shay joined them.

A month later, things had gotten pretty much back to normal. Shay and Beth were back at school, and Monica was back at work. She was distracted and often stil had a tendancy to jump at sudden noises or if people came up behind her and she didn't see them. She hadn't gone to the police, either about her second attack or Chandler's disappearance. She didn't want to report the rapist, not only because she was afraid he'd come back and "get her" if she did, but because she would feel so stupid for not reporting him straight after the first attack. Her friends, especially Ross, didn't understand this, and after the first few days of support, they had become distant again. Without Chandler, she missed her friends even more.

It was a Tuesday. The kids were at school, but Monica had a day off work, so she was taking advantage of the quiet house to listen to some music while she did some housework. She was dressed in old jeans and a t-shirt. The shirt was Chandler's, and she had been able to put it on without being reminded of Chandler and missing him so much she cried, and even though it was stupid, she was proud. It meant she was finally getting on with her life again. Her hair was scraped away from her face into a tight ponytail and she was wearing rubber gloves. 

Someone knocked on the door. Monica had no idea who it could be. Her friends always phoned before they came over, and the kids were still at school. She felt a wave of panic begin to build in her throat and nervously looked through the peephole. In an instant, the nervousness vanished and a huge smile spread across her face. She fumbled with the chain and the lock then flung the door wide open.

"Chandler!" she cried and hugged him tightly. Chandler hugged her back hard and breathed in the sweet smell of her (even if the smell of cleaning products did linger round her a bit) almost despite himself. 

Chandler was a mess. His hair looked like he hadn't brushed it since he left over a month ago, and his face was pale and gaunt. He had lost weight and the new clothes he was wearing hung loosely on his body. He had missed Monica so much that his first instinct upon seeing her again was to hug her, and he wanted desperately to kiss her too, but he managed to restrain himself, and roughly pushed her away.

"Chandler? Where have you been? Why the hell did you leave us like that?" she asked. The was a mixture of anger and worry in her voice and for some reason it made Chandler angrier.

"Why? What, you expect me to just stay here while you have sex with your boyfriend?" he said meanly. Monica stared at him silently. Tears fell down her cheeks. Chandler forced himself not to look at her, knowing that if he saw her cry he would forget everything he needed to say to her.

"Oh Chandler," she said softly, her voice full of sorrow and what he thought was pity. 

"How could you do that to me Mon? I would never have expected you to cheat on me, not ever. And what about the kids? I've spent the last month wondering what in God's name was going on in your head and I still can't figure you out. But you know what? I don't' care anymore. Caring about you has destroyed me Monica Geller," Chandler spoke quickly, wanting to get the hell out of here before he burst into tears. Monica flinched when he called her the name no one had used for the last 15 years. Chandler fumbled in his back and pulled out a large brown envelope. He handed it to her, still trying to avoid looking at her. "Divorce papers," he explained. "I just can't do this anymore. I can't beat myself up wondering what I did wrong anymore."

"Oh Chandler," Monica said again, letting the envelope fall to the floor. Chandler was angry. Why couldn't she just let him get on with it and leave? "Chandler, is that what you think? That I cheated on you? Oh sweetie. Come in and I'll tell you what really happened."

"I don't want explanations!" he shouted. Monica drew back from him a little. Chandler rarely shouted at her, even when they were fighting. 

"Chandler, please, I don't want to talk about this on the doorstep," she pleaded, reaching out to touch him and sobbing when he pulled back from her. 

"Me neither. I don't' want to talk about it at all," he said fiercely.

"Chandler, the man who I'm assuming told you he was my boyfriend, wasn't my boyfriend," she shouted at him. Chandler looked like he didn't believe her so she rushed on, not caring if the neighbours heard, only caring that the possiblility of losing Chandler forever was closer than ever before. "He was the guy who raped me."

Chandler's mouth fell open and he gaped at her in shock. HE couldn't believe what she was telling him. Suddenly, he felt increadibly guilty for letting that bastard into his house with his wife and daughters and then running away.

"Mon, tell me he didn't…" he said, not really wanting to know.

"He raped me in our bedroom," she said softly. Chandler stepped inside the hall and hugged her tightly, kissing her hair.

"Oh baby, I'm so, so, so, so, sorry. I don't know why I believed him, I should never have let him in," he mumbled. Monica pulled back a little and looked at him. She slowly wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"It wasn't your fault Chandler. Believe me, I don't' blame you one little bit, and you shouldn't either," Monica said. She kissed him gently on the lips. 

"I guess I don't need these then," he said when she moved back to allow him further into the hall so she could shut the door. Chandler picked up the envelope with th divorce papers inside and marched to the kitchen, where he threw it in the bin. He looked around for some leftovers to scape on top of it, but Monica's kitchen was as meticulously neat as ever and all the plates were either put away in cupboards or in the drainer.

"Better?" she asked, smiling. Monica had followed him into the kitchen and now she hugged him from behind.

"Much. God, I missed you," he said, turning around and kissing her more passionately than before. Suddenly he stopped. "Is this ok? I mean, I expect you're mad at me for leaving and remember how awkward it was the last time we tried to…" Chandler babbled. Monica silenced him by kissing him again. 

"Chandler, I love you, I missed you, I'm not mad at you. I want you. I want to make love to you. And I promise it won't end up like last time. I'm much more ready this time," Monica said soothingly.

"Sure?" he asked.

"Definitely," she answered. 

They kissed again, and Chandler pushed her back and lifted her up onto the counter. Monica wrapped her legs around his waist and ran her hands through his hair. All the shyness she had felt the last time had gone. She wanted him, needed him now.

"Chandler, the bedroom," she whispered. He smiled at her and scooped her up in his arms.

"Are you sure it won't be weird, you know, since the bastard attacked you in there?" Chandler said, concerned.

"No. Because this is you and me. Not some stranger, you and me," she said. Chandler didn't know why that made sense, but it did.

"Okay," he whispered.

Chandler was halfway up the stairs with Monica in his arms when the front door opened and slammed shut. He groaned and turned around. Shay and Beth stood in the hallway, staring up at Monica and Chandler. They didn't recognise Chandler from the back, but as soon as they saw his face, they swuealed, dropped their book bags and ran up the stairs to hug him. Chandler let Monica down and picked up Beth. He hugged Shay tight to his chest at the same time. Monica was slightly disappointed that she and Chandler hadn't even made it to the bedroom, but the looks on the faces of her husband and children at being reunited more than made up for it.

"Are you back for good or just visiting?" Beth asked.

"He wouldn't be carrying Mom if he was visiting. Unless they're even weirder than we thought," Shay quipped. Chandler ruffled her hair.

"Yup, I'm back and I'm staying here forever. I'm sorry I left guys, I misunderstood what was happening, but I'm sorry and I'm here now. Are we ok?" chandler asked. They nodded enthusiastically. Their joy at seeing their Dad again pushed all thoughts of why he had disappeared for so long out of their minds and they were just glad he was there now. Monica wondered if they would have issues about it later, but decided not to concentrate on that right now.

Chandler wanted to take them all out for dinner that night, but the kids prefered to stay in and order pizza, and Monica didn't care because Chandler was back and she felt safe and that was all the mattered. The two adults were sat on the couch in the livingroom making out after the kids had gone to bed. 

"Are we safe from interruptions now?" Chandler asked as they broke apart to breath.

"Yeah, so long as neither of them have nightmares," Monica told him.

"I'll risk it," Chandler said. 

He didn't carry Monica up to their bedroom this time, but he held her hand the whole way. Once they got there, it wasn't long before they both lay naked next to each other on the bed. As Chandler covered her body with soft butterfly kisses, Monica wondered how she could have ever flinched away from his touch. She didn't know that it was simply time that had made the difference. Chandler desperately wanted to go for it hard and fast, but he realised it was still the first time they'd had sex since the rape and he forced himself to go slow and be considerate of Monica's needs. 

They fell asleep several hours later in each other's arms. Chandler had slept badly ever since he left but now he was asleep almost straight away. Monica stayed awake a little longer and wondered what she would have done if Chandler had never come back. Until tonight she had been pushing him out of her mind, but now he was back she had no idea how she had coped for so long without him. 

THE END

I know, I know, its short, and it took me an amazingly long time to write something so crap, but I wanted to finish this series. Please review, thanks.


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